Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. No matter what other car ads debut during Super Bowl XLVII, this cautionary tale from Mercedes-Benz is a lock for the best automotive big game ad of 2013, and we’d even throw it into the mix as a candidate for the best of all time.

We had no idea where Mercedes was going when it announced that Kate Upton would pitch the new CLA sedan in its prime-time ad. We knew that Usher was in the mix, too, but we never saw Willem Dafoe coming.

Expensive cast aside, the video is sheer cinematic genius, and our hats are off to Mercedes-Benz for pulling this off. We tend to favor cafes like the one in the video, and this clip reminds us of two things: be wary of strangers (especially those with sinister jewelry and pointed fingernails), and be careful what you wish for.

The 2014 Mercedes-Benz CLA compact luxury sedan will hit dealers in September of 2013, priced from just $29,900 (excluding destination charge, we assume). It won’t make you a rock star and it won’t land you a date with Kate Upton, but we’ll bet it looks good in your driveway.